Why The Writers’ Strike Needs To End. Soon.

Tina Fey needs to keep working.

An Open Letter to Tyra Banks

Dear Tyra,

You have a successful (and entertaining, to my surprise, since I’m not a huge fan of the genre) reality show; you’ve also had quite a successful career as a model. I even liked Higher Learning and your stint on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

I even, at times, enjoy your talk show. But I think it’s time you slowed down a bit. Take a step back and look at what you’re doing with that talk show.

I know you love Oprah. It’s evident each time you appear on her show. And it’s natural to want to emulate someone you hold in a high regard, both professionally and personally. However –

You are not Oprah. You, are Tyra.

And there’s nothing wrong with being Tyra. Tyra is – as you often say – fierce. But Oprah, she is not fierce. She is Oprah – at times her own adjective.

Because you’re not Oprah, when you have a show about the vagina, let’s say, it doesn’t print the same way an Oprah show about the vagina (or poo) would. Instead of “Wow, that was an informative hour of television” viewers are left with, “Oh no she didn’t.”

You’re better than “Oh no she didn’t,” Tyra. And you know this.

So, please, please, for the sake of your viewing audience, maybe wait awhile for the choochie-paloozas. Afterall, it was almost 20 years before Oprah did a show about poo and not much less before she had a vagina show. Also, Dr. Debbie is no Dr. Hilda. Next time, try to get Laura Berman for your guest panel.

For now, stick to shows about helping teenage girls find their inner fierce, or choosing the right bra.

Sincerely,

The Channel Surfer

P.S. – No more puppets. Please.

I’ll Be A Scab – Pick Me!

So, the Writers’ Guild is on strike. And while I’mall for a unionized workforce – better wages, benefits, working hours, etc. – I’m also all for getting my foot in the door.

I don’t know if I have what it takes to be a serial TV writer, but now is as good a time as any to find out, right? I could probably do a soap opera, day or prime time. I’m pretty sure I could do better than most of the shows on The CW (Gossip Girl and Everybody Hates Chris being the exceptions; Gossip Girl only because it’s just an affluence I could never imagine for myself). I could probably be okay on most ABC sitcoms, too.

In the mean time, I will hope for the best regarding the shows I heart deeply, but really, TV producers – I’m willing to take a swing. Put me in coach.

Phoning It In

I know I’ve been phoning in this blog for a little while now. I’m sorry, readers, I really am. I’ve been going through some stuff in my personal life (not boy drama, I assure you, my absence is not because of something trivial) and it’s been tough to focus on…everything lately.

Like tonight - you know what I did? The pseudo brought over his new DVD of Knocked Up. I watched that, a movie I’ve seen before (hilarious, if you managed to miss it), instead of watching, say, The Bionic Woman.

Because I knew I wouldn’t have to think during it. I wouldn’t have to pay attention. And partly because I figured it was the least I could do since he brought over…

A NEW TV! Well, it’s new to me, and it’s bigger than my old one. I’m a woman, so while I can appreciate (and deeply love) a 42-inch plasma, there’s no way I’m willing to spend money on a TV bigger than 20 inches. So, Bionic Woman, we shall meet later. Perhaps online, or perhaps during the inevitable rerun before next Wednesday.

And now, since Ultimate Fighter is over, we’re watching Manswers. *Sigh*

[Yawn.]

Answer: Britney with the volume turned down.

Question: How was the opening act for the VMA’s?

I’m a little bit [disappointed, miffed, bummed, bored] by her performance. My pseudo-boyfriend stepped in the room to take a peek after hearing the music. His comment? “It’s like she forgot how to dance.”

Exactly. I couldn’t have said it better myself. Was she trying to keep her wig on her head? Was she mad at the VMA’s and decided to make a mockery of them? Was she bored? And, while she looks great, especially for having two kids under the age of two, but she should not be wearing a black and glittery bikini-thing. She just doesn’t have the figure for it right now. She was obviously lipsyncing, and pretty much stopped moving her lips about halfway through the song.

Britney, you can do better. Remember the python dance? The Madonna kiss? The faux-strip show? Those were GREAT performances. Are you tired? Get some rest, Britney, you’re too young to be burned out already. Take a few years off to get the kids old enough for school and settle the divorce and figure out what you want to do with yourself. Or, start saving money and live off of royalties for the rest of your life. You can do it. What you cannot afford, is another public humiliation. If you need to be a hot mess, go somewhere remote and just be a hot mess for a little while. It’s okay.

Some other items of business:

John Norris – Stop it! Just age, for crying out loud! Maybe get a job at a new network, one where you can dress like the 40-something you are, instead of the 40-something trying to be 16.

Suchin Pak – Follow the footsteps of Martha Quinn and Tabitha Soren. Go get a real journalism job. You’re well-spoken and pretty, you can get a real job.

Beyonce – Stop wearing your mom’s designs. Stick to Cavalli.

Adam Levine – Sleeves. Wear them. You were crazy-hot in the video for “Harder To Breathe.” Go back to that look.

Fifty Cent – You clean up nice. That’s the look you need to go for all the time. Ask Luda for the number of his stylist.

Kanye – The tux was not necessary. And, you are so much shorter than Fifty. Who knew? At least you got beat by your main competition for Best or Biggest Male Artist (Justin Timberlake won).

Sarah Silverman – How do you not get beat up? You’re hilarious, but so wrong. And we expect nothing less from you. But seriously, I worry for your personal safety sometimes. Britney might smack a bitch.

Rhianna – I’m not a fan. But, Umber-ella-ella-ella is growing on me. But, you put on a good stage show tonight. I still like Mandy Moore’s cover better, though.

Chris Brown – I was okay with the minstrel show and the random Rhianna break in your performance. But the crotch-grabbing tribute to Michael Jackson = TOO MUCH. And not in a good way. Apparently I’m in the minority, because the crowd went wild. Whatever.

Timbaland – Nice of you to accept Justin’s award on his behalf. While standing next to him.

Cee-Lo – Being a high school dropout is not something for which you should be proud. Nor is it something you need to publicize to an audience of high school students.

I’m obviously older than the target demographic for this show. However, shouldn’t I be watching it and saying things like, “This show is making me tired” or “There’s too much happening at once!”? Instead, I’m wondering when the excitement will begin.

Another Reason To Look Forward To Fall TV

I just read this notice on FX’s site. New episodes coming in September.

Fall Season, Coming Soon

And I’m not terribly excited about that.

Of course, I’m looking forward to the return of my new favorites from last season, Heroes, 30 Rock and Ugly Betty; in addition to The Office and Scrubs. I’m also interested to see what became of Edie on Desperate Housewives. Is she replacing Mary Alice as the newest voice of knowledge on the block?

I’ll miss Gilmore Girls, but Gossip Girl, if done properly, should provide a nice distraction from that Tuesdays at 8pm hole in my TV schedule. I have no idea when it airs, though.

I’ve spent the summer watching mostly reruns. The OC on SoapNet, 30 Rock and The Office and Ugly Betty, that sort of thing.

What about you? Is there something you’re excited about for the fall season, or just anxious to get back to old favorites?

Yes, I Watch More Than One TV Show

I used to write about a few shows, but lately I’ve only written about Heroes. Why?

 I have my reasons. The first being that it’s really the only good show that’s easy to write about. I love 30 Rock, despite of my first opinion of the show. But really, the writers are masters of the visual payoff to a running gag during an episode, so to write about it would mean that the punchline would be lost in translation. The same applies to The Office.

I’ve taken to Ugly Betty, but there hasn’t been a new episode in what feels like a hundred years (which is something around two or three weeks in my world), so…yeah.

I’m just plain sad about Gilmore Girls this season. Sure, each episode has a few nice moments, but it’s just not worth the time it takes to write about it. I’ve been spending my Tuesdays with a new man in my life, and I’m slowly trying to get him more interested in television. I’ve successfully got him watching three episodes of Scrubs each day (I do love it when a show is in syndication), and he’s coming around to Gilmore Girls. Just last night, when Logan showed up at the wedding looking like…well, someone who’d been on a week-long bender, he said, “Is that the same boyfriend?” I said, “Yeah.” “The same guy she was dating last week? When he went to Vegas?” “Yeah, same guy.” “He looks different.” True, he did. He went to Vegas. It’s cute when a guy starts to become invested in the characters. Anyway, it was also touching when Zach and Lane asked Luke to the the twins’ godfather, and then when Zach went to Luke later to get dad advice. Aw.

I’m looking through my list of tagged shows…It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Nip/Tuck, Laguna Beach and Standoff are either off-season or on hiatus. And we know what became of The OC. Moment of silence.

So, until something equally awesome airs, or until I get a DVR (when I move, my new cable provider has the DVR option, and yay for me!), it will be Heroes for the next few weeks. Or until something new warrants my attention. I’m going to check out The Riches tonight.

Tattoo You

Nip/Tuck, Season 5, Episode 8

I think this is episode 8, I’m not sure anymore.

And really, do you care?

So, apparently last week Christian hooked up with Brooke Shields, his therapist. And by hooked up, I mean had sex with, because Christian doesn’t RSVP to a party unless he knows he can come. Some other stuff happened, and I don’t quite know how I missed that, but I did, and sorry. Anyway…

Back at the ranch, and by the ranch, I mean McNamara/Troy’s office, Brooke comes in to thank Christian for alerting her to her still not quite solved sex addiction problem. Oops. She had this “Property of Marco” tattoo on her lower back (the bullseye spot), and she wanted it removed. Somehow, in the course of conversation with Christian regarding Michelle (Sanaa), she got the idea that he was in love with her. Well, until he mentioned the object of his affection being married. Brooke was crushed.

Meanwhile, Larry found out about Christian and Michelle and, at the advice of Brooke, his new therapist, made Michelle and Christian have sex while he watched. Ew. On so many levels. And really, if they truly loved one another, could they have actually done this? Methinks not. But this is TV, and more important, Nip/Tuck, so the rules of reason and humanity don’t really apply.

In Sean’s world, crazy nanny Monica came back because Julia hired her to fill in for Little Manny while he was sick. This sent Sean over the edge. He went to her apartment to give her severance money and ended up piercing her belly button so she didn’t get some weird infection. It was a very strange scene.

When he caught her breastfeeding his son, Cone-R, however, he went off the deep end. Crazy devil tattoo guy told him to kill her. When Monica showed up at his office to get him to look at her infected nipple, she went on about how they’d have children and start a new life together. What? Sean contemplated gassing her until she passed out and then injecting her with a lethal dose of anesthesia, but then decided to just be a man and break up with her properly. Again. She got really mad and ran out into the street, and though everyone saw it coming from a mile away, Monica did not, and she was hit by a bus when the writers took a page from an old episode of Six Feet Under or Mean Girls. It was awesome and Sean was stunned at his stroke of fabulous luck. Here his crazy one night stand was dead and he didn’t have to do it; she basically did it to herself. As a nanny, shouldn’t she have known better than to play in traffic? I think so. It’s a good thing he fired her, otherwise Cone-R might have ended up as roadkill someday. Did you hear that? It’s a sigh of relief.

Sort of.

Now Sean is not only haunted by crazy devil tattoo guy, but also by scary dead nurse Monica. Oh guilty soul, thy name is Sean McNamara! And Julia? Blissfully unaware, enjoying her wine.

Meanwhile, Brooke got a new tattoo on her bullseye–”Property of Christian Troy.” Awesomeness. Let the games begin!

I Don’t Know How I Feel About You…

Dear Studio 60 On the Sunset Strip, Laguna Beach and My Name Is Earl,

I’m not sure where our relationship is going in the coming weeks. To be quite honest, you’ve fallen below my expectations. I feel like I deserve better from you.

Studio 60, you came with such glowing reviews. I was really excited about you. I really need something different from you. We’ve discussed this before–more Sports Night, less The West Wing. Hopefully NBC will move your timeslot so I can better find the motivation to stay awake for you.

Earl–I think we might not have longterm potential. I’m just not sure. Tonight, you were only moderately funny. Where are the really awesomely wrong laughs from early in season one? If it takes more Joy time on screen for the “Oh, no, they didn’t go there!” moments, so be it.

Laguna–I’m perhaps the least disappointed with you. You are, afterall, “reality” and therefore you are what you are. High school isn’t pretty, not matter how the ocean sparkles and how disjointedly it’s edited. I just ask that you keep Alex and Rocky together and please, give Tessa a nice boy before the season ends. Please?

So, consider yourselves warned. We might be going on a break if things don’t improve. The Ross Gellar kind of break, where I can watch another show during your timeslots, not the Rachel Green kind where I do nothing at all.

Regards,

The Channel Surfer